2013-05-24

I've been back more than a year and a half, and I still cuss and fight with everyone in my mind.  I often wish it would go away, or I would go away.  Or they would understand their mistake and compensate me for loss of family, friends, $70,000, career, reputation, happiness, everything.  I'm bitter and take sleep aides pretty much every night.  If I don't, I wake up fighting.  Less now than before, but still.  I fear police coming to my door and arresting me for something else make-believe, so someone else could get money from me.  I fear every time the doorbell rings.  My stomach turns.  My face turns red when people mention children or police or rape or child molesters or anything like that.  I feel everyone is looking at me with judgement.  Does it matter that I never did that to anyone?  How could I?  Me?  Seriously?  Les and Angela both need severe slaps, in a public place, where everyone can see their evil judgemental minds.  I'm your fucking family member, you fucking goons.  I hope someday all this will subside enough that I can find a normal life.  But the police gave me 20 years to report to them.  So ... there's the rest of my life right there.  This is what I have to look forward to.  I hope to God it isn't true.